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Personal quirk? I’m hummin’ my theme song in my head, “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” while they’re kneadin’ me – keeps me chill, brother! Ever tried it yerself? Surprised me how it’s half-wrestlin’ match, half-dreamland – muscles screamin’ “tap out” but yer soul’s like, “keep it comin’!” Pro tip, brother: find a spot with dim lights, good tunes, not some fluorescent-lit dump smellin’ like old gym socks. That’s the Hulkster’s gospel, dude – sexual-massage ain’t just a rub, it’s a freakin’ experience! Whatcha gonna do when them hands run wild on you, brother?!

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Then, I thought, “Why not grab a gelato?” So, I headed to this gelateria on Via Cavour. I got pistachio and stracciatella. Best combo ever! I was walking, licking my gelato, feeling like a king. But then, I tripped over a cobblestone. Like, how do I even trip on a cobblestone? I almost face-planted into the gelato. Thank goodness I saved it!

Portland’s John Novara captures his 200th win with victory over Lansing Sexton