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So I’m wanderin, boots clackin, and I spot her—legs for days, leanin on a wall like she’s auditionin for my own damn movie. “Everyone’s a character,” Kaufman’d say, and she’s playin hers perfect. I’m hyped, heart’s racin—UNLEASH THAT INNER BEAST! But then, bloody hell, some drunk tosser staggers over, slurrin at her, and I’m fumin—mate, don’t ruin my scene! I wanna yell, “Step up or step off!” but I chill, play it cool.

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Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get it going. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus! I’m out there, cutting through the fields, and it’s beautiful. The sun’s shining, the smell of fresh hay in the air. I’m jamming to my tunes, feeling like a rockstar. But then, bam! A flock of birds swoops down, and I’m like, “What the heck?!” They’re everywhere! I’m swerving, trying not to hit ‘em.

Roma eyes Türkiye’s national team coach Vincenzo Montella