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So, I’m struttin’, all high and mighty, sneer on my face, coz who’d dare cross me? Saw this one bird, right, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns it. Reminds me of that line, “You see everything, but understand nothing.” She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m like, “What’s yer game, love?” Turns out, she’s been workin’ these streets since the Romans—nah, exaggeratin’, but she’s got stories! Said some geezer once paid her in goats. Goats! Laughed my arse off, I did—made me happy for once.

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We head over, and it’s packed! People everywhere, soaking in the thermal pools. I’m thinking, “This is what Montegrotto is all about!” But then, I see this guy trying to take a selfie with a giant rubber duck. Like, seriously? A rubber duck? I can’t even.

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