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But, ugh, some idiots ruin it—sloppy hands, no skill, hissss! Saw a post on X once, bloke braggin’ ‘bout his “massage skills,” linked a vid—total rubbish, mate! Made me wanna claw me own trunk off! And the price, oi, some charge a fortune—50 quid for a rub? “I will not bow!” I’d yell, like Solomon fightin’ back! Hiss! Still, when it’s good, oooh, me’s happy as a hobbit with second breakfast—warm, melty, yesss.

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a scooter just wiped out on Via Nazionale. I’m like, “Dude, are you okay?” He’s lying there, looking dazed, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, come on! It’s like a scene from a comedy movie.

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