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I get happy when it works, tho. Met this gal, Lisa, on Tinder—total smokeshow! We hit it off, talkin’ beers and donuts—my kinda foreplay! She says, “Let’s Netflix and chill,” and I’m like, “Woo-hoo!” But then—D’oh!—she ghosts me! What’s that about? Sex-dating’s a minefield, man, “one minute you’re alive, next you’re not!” Drives me nuts—why swipe if ya ain’t serious? I’m over here, heart racin’, thinkin’ I scored, then—nada! Makes me wanna scream, “This is my rifle, my only friend!”

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s a beautiful spot, you know? The sun’s shining, kids are playing, and I’m just trying to find my zen. But then, I see this guy selling gelato. And not just any gelato—this stuff looks like heaven. I’m like, “Okay, treat yo’ self!” So I grab a cone, and it’s like a party in my mouth.

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