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Precioussss, we swears! Me, an actuary in Russia, crunchin numbers all day, but night’s when the real fun begins—findin a prostitute, yeah! Mad Max vibes, “What a lovely day!” screamin in my head as I dodge sketchy streets. Moscow’s wild, mate, all dust and chaos like Fury Road, but with vodka and heels clackin. We swears! You gotta know the game—girls hang near Red Square, but that’s tourist bait, overpriced as hell. Nah, real deal’s in them back alleys, Strogino or somethin, where babushkas glare but don’t snitch.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for breakfast. You know, the usual—cappuccino and a cornetto. But the barista? Total grump. I mean, come on, it’s 8 AM! Lighten up, dude! I’m just trying to enjoy my pastry. But whatever, I down my coffee and head out.

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