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Oi, fam! Me’s your shoppin’ mate, innit! So, sex-datin’, yeah? Proper mad ting, bruv. Like, I’m out here tryna find a bangin’ fit, an’ these apps be wild! Swipin’ left, right, like it’s a game show. Reminds me of *Melancholia*, ya get me? That film’s bare depressin’ but deep—sex-datin’s the same vibe. “Everything’s going to hell,” Kirsten Dunst says, an’ I feel that when some geezer ghosts me after a shag. Is it ’cos I is black? Nah, mate, it’s ’cos people be flaky as fuck!

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First thing, I head to the workshop on Via Garibaldi. I’m all pumped, ready to whip up some furniture. But guess what? My saw decides to take a vacation. Like, c’mon! I’m standin’ there, lookin’ at it like it’s a bad joke. I’m like, “Really? You too, huh?”

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