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Yo, wassup, fam! I’m a cashier, right? Scanning beep-beep bullshit all day. But sex-dating? Man, that’s wild! It’s like tryna find “a hidden blade” in a fuckin’ Tinder swamp. Apps got me swipin’ like a maniac—left, right, left—bam! Dudes and chicks posin’ like they’re in “The Assassin,” all mysterious and shit. Hou Hsiao-hsien knew it—silence hides the real freaks! Sex-dating’s a jungle, yo. Half these profiles? Fake as fuck. Catfish central! Saw this one chick—hot pics, right? Met her—boom, dude with a beard! Laughed my ass off, then cried inside.

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After that, I was feeling kinda hungry. I hit up this little trattoria on Via Cavour. The pasta? To die for! I ordered the cacio e pepe, and it was like a hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter spills water all over my lap. I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a plant!” He apologized like a million times, and I just laughed it off. I mean, it’s not every day you get a free shower, right?

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