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Oh, and the film—*Brokeback*—them lads hidin’ their spark, like escorts hidin’ their gig. “This is a goddamn bitch of a situation!”—yep, sums it up! Me fave bit? The longing, the sneaky fucks in tents—escorts got that vibe, but with flashier gear. Makes me wanna screech—why’s it all so bloody complicated?

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Marina di Cerveteri, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, the sun was blazin’ like it was tryin’ to roast me alive. I mean, c’mon, it’s not even summer yet! I grabbed my coffee from that cute little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The barista there is a total legend. He always knows my order. I swear, he’s got some kind of mind-reading powers or somethin’.

Thieves steal vial of late Pope John Paul II's blood from priest's backpack