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But the stench, man – old ones stank. Sweat, booze, unwashed britches. Gag city! Imagine rollin’ in, all suave, then – blech! “You’re a pitiful sight,” I’d say, quotin’ the flick, dodgin’ the smell. Hilarious, tho – horny sods didn’t care!

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So, I rush back to the office on Via della Libertà. It’s a small place, but it’s got character. I walk in, and my boss is pacing. “The samples are off!” he says. I’m thinking, “Of course they are. It’s Marina di Ardea! The soil’s probably got more salt than a bag of chips.”