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Oh, and the stats – 1 in 5 hookups start online now! Mental, eh? Used to be pubs, now it’s pixels. Makes me wanna cackle and cry. You’re out there, mate, baring ya soul – or at least ya bits – hoping for a spark. Sometimes it’s magic, sometimes it’s a car crash. “The knife doesn’t know its master” – Sembène nailed it. Sex-dating don’t care who you are, it’ll cut ya deep or lift ya high. Up to you to dodge the pricks!

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After all that, I finally head back to the fields. The sun’s settin’, and it’s beautiful. I sit down on a rock, watchin’ my sheep graze. I think about the day. Yeah, it was crazy, but it was also kinda perfect.

Retegui’s call-up highlights Italy’s big contradiction