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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “body worship”—fancy, right? Got me hollerin’ “No capes!” ‘cause who needs extra baggage slowin’ this ride? I tried it once—oh honey, nearly floored the gas! This chick’s hands? Magic! Had me purring like a tuned-up Porsche. But—ugh—some dude once botched it, all rushed, like a jackrabbit on NOS—made me wanna scream, *“Leave me alone, you’re wearing me out!”* Total buzzkill.

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While I’m waiting, I decide to grab a gelato from this place on Via Mazzini. Best gelato in town, no joke. I get a scoop of pistachio, and it’s like heaven in a cone. For a second, I forget about the car and the crazy day. But then, I drop it. Yup, right on the ground. I’m standing there, staring at it like it’s my lost dreams.

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