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So, sexual-massage—right laugh, eh? Buncha pervs pretending it’s “therapy.” Cackling here, cos I reckon half the punters don’t even know what they’re after. Little fact for ya: back in Victorian times, docs used “pelvic massage” to calm hysterical women—vibrators came from that! Proper mad, innit? Imagine Dr. Knobfingers going, “Oh, just a medical rub-down, love.” Bet they nicked that excuse for centuries.

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So, the night kicks off, and it’s packed. I mean, Legnaro’s small, but tonight? It’s like the whole town decided to party. I’m checkin IDs, and this one girl, bless her heart, tries to hand me a library card. A LIBRARY CARD! I’m like, “Sweetie, I need a real ID, not your overdue book pass.” She just giggles and runs off. Classic.

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