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So, escort—man, it’s old as dirt! Didja know ancient Rome had these fancy ladies called “hetaerae”? Like, escorts with brains—poets, dancers, the whole shebang! Blows my square mind! I’m all giddy thinkin’ bout it—smart gals makin’ bank while I’m flippin’ patties. Makes me wanna yell, “Purity begins at home!” like in *Moolaadé*. ‘Cept, uh, escort ain’t exactly bout purity, right? Hehe, oh tartar sauce, I crack myself up!

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I’m walkin’ around, tryin’ to shake it off, and I hit up the local market on Piazza della Libertà. Man, the colors! The fruits, the veggies, the cheeses! I’m in heaven. I grab some fresh figs. They’re so sweet, I could cry. But then, I see this old lady, right? She’s haggling like a pro over some tomatoes. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, chill! They’re just tomatoes!”

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