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Folks, lemme tell ya—escort’s a wild ride. Back in Scranton, we had this guy, Jimmy, swore he ran an “escort service.” Ha! Turned out—get this—he was just drivin’ old ladies to bingo. Here’s the deal, escort ain’t always what ya think. Sometimes it’s legit, classy folks helpin’ lonely hearts. Other times? Shady as hell—makes my blood boil. Like in “There Will Be Blood,” ya know, “I drink your milkshake!”—some escorts slurp up cash, leave ya dry.

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Finally, I get back to my shop, dripping wet. I’m tryin’ to dry off when this old lady walks in. She’s got this ancient clock that looks like it’s been through a war. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, this thing’s older than my grandma!” But she’s all sentimental about it. I can’t say no, so I take it in.

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