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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back home, and I saw this stray cat. It looked so sad, like it needed a hug or something. I knelt down to pet it, and it just purred. Aww, my heart! But then, this dog came outta nowhere and scared the cat away. I was, like, “Noooo!” I felt so bad.

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