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So, sexual-massage—it’s like, part relaxin’, part “woo-hoo!” Ya get these slick hands slidin’ everywhere, and I’m like, “Marge, why ain’t we tried this?!” Little known fact—ancient Greeks were all over this! Called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? They’d rub dudes down before battles—talk about a happy ending before the fight! D’oh! Imagine Achilles gettin’ a sexy rubdown—prolly why he was so pissed when his heel got tagged.

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So, I grab my coffee—thank God for caffeine, right?—and head to the loading dock. There’s this new guy, Marco. Nice kid, but he’s got the coordination of a baby giraffe. He’s trying to load crates, and they’re just falling everywhere. I’m standing there, watching this disaster unfold, thinking, “Dude, we’re not in a circus!”

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