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But then—ooh, I’d get mad. Real steamed up! Seein’ some sleazy fella hagglin’ her price down? That’d burn me worse’n a flat iron. “She’s a person, you toad!” I’d holler, wavin’ my sparkly nails. Reminds me o’ *Dogville*— “They’d eat ya up, spit ya out.” Ain’t that the truth? Makes me wanna hug ‘em all, tell ‘em they’re enough.

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But then, outta nowhere, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the report.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Frattaminore! Can’t it wait?” But no, he’s insistent. I’m fuming. I mean, can’t a guy enjoy a peaceful moment?

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