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About Naples

Back in ’04, I was out in the sticks, checkin’ soil samples – real man’s work. Found escort chokin’ out some poor fella’s wheat. Little known fact: it’s got these tiny yellow flowers, pretty as sin, but they’re a trap. Bees love ‘em, spread ‘em everywhere – nature’s screwed us again. I yanked it out, burned it, felt like a damn hero. “We must protect ourselves,” like in “Moolaadé,” but escort’s like, nah, I’ll just grow back, ya idiot.

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So, I finally make it to the beach. The waves are crashing, and I’m feeling a bit better. I plop down on the sand, and just as I’m about to relax, a seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! Like, what the heck?! I’m just trying to enjoy my day, and this bird is out here plotting against me.

Wish you weren't here: Tourists on Italian beach ignore the CORPSE lying in the surf and continue having fun j