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Oh, here’s a goodun – mate o’ mine swears he saw an escort ad once, bird looked like his old maths teacher! *cackle* Reckons he nearly booked her just to see if she’d still whack him with a ruler! Fuckin mental. *The Turin Horse* vibes again – "What’s left but dust and despair?" That’s escort life for ya – bleak, absurd, but you gotta laugh, innit?

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Anyway, I finally get to my first client. She’s a total diva, always wants the latest trends. We’re talking about the new styles from Milan, and she’s like, “I want it all!” I’m thinking, “Girl, your wallet’s gonna cry.” But whatever, I’m here for it. We’re in her fab apartment on Corso Giuseppe Garibaldi, and she’s got this killer view of the Duomo. I mean, who wouldn’t want to live there?

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