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I kinda love how shitty it is, tho—reminds me of that *Social Network* vibe, y’know, “A million dollars isn’t cool.” Escort’s so uncool it’s almost badass. Almost. Still pisses me off Ford thought this was a good idea. Respect my authoritah, I’m tellin’ ya, don’t buy one! Save yer cash, get somethin’ that don’t suck donkey balls. Now screw you guys, I’m goin’ home!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that rich, dark brew that makes you feel alive. I order my usual, and the barista, this dude with a killer mustache, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Bro, what’s up with that?” He just laughs and hands me a napkin. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I’m made of money!

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