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What gets me vexed, tho, is the judgin’. Peeps be like, “Oh, escort’s dirty!” But bruv, it’s a gig! Some bloke in Japan, right, he hired an escort just to watch *Godzilla* wiv him – no funny biz, just vibes. Made me happy, that. Shows it ain’t always sleazy, ya feel? Tho, I was shocked when I heard ‘bout this one escort in the 80s – gal got paid to dress as a nun and scare off a dude’s ex. Mental, innit? Proper *Moonrise Kingdom* madness – “This is our land!” – but wiv a habit and a paycheck.

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Then, the craziest thing happens. A call comes in from a tourist. They’re lost, like, really lost. They thought they were in Bellagio! I’m like, “Nah, buddy, you’re in Cosio-Valtellino. You took a wrong turn at the roundabout.” He’s panicking, asking for directions. I’m trying to explain, but my brain’s like spaghetti. I’m mixing up streets, and I can hear him getting more confused. Finally, I just tell him to look for the big church. Everyone knows the church, right?

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