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But ugh, the stench of it all—sweaty men, cheap perfume—makes me wanna hurl. Gets me proper mad, too, cos half these girls ain’t choosing it—they’re stuck, like me with a crown I didn’t want. Surprised me once, tho—this one chick, she saved up, bought a tavern. Now she’s the queen of her own piss-soaked empire. “Witness me!” she’d yell, flipping off the world. Love that, I do—makes me wanna cheer, even if I’d never admit it.

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this old dude from Via Roma. He’s rambling about his cat, Gino, who apparently thinks he’s a dog now. Like, what? I’m trying to keep a straight face while he’s going on about Gino chasing his tail. I mean, come on, it’s Cosio-Valtellino, not a pet circus! But hey, I love the old folks. They keep it real.

Obituary | Tersilla Dupont