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Escorts ain’t just cars tho—there’s the shady stuff too. D’oh! Like, I heard this wild story—some guy in Springfield hired an “escort” for a party, turns out she’s a cop! Busted his dumb ass—hilarious! Made me laugh ‘til I choked on my donut. Little known fact: back in the ‘80s, Escort cars were so cheap, folks called ‘em “disposable rides.” Kinda like Kolya’s life in that movie—fallin’ apart, no fixin’ it.

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I get to the market, and it’s packed. I mean, like sardines in a can packed. I’m trying to squeeze through, and this old dude just cuts me off. I’m like, “Dude, really? You’re gonna block the fish guy?” But whatever, I let it slide. I’m not here to start a fish fight.

After supermodel Cindy Crawford said she hates photos from the back Scots women reveal the parts of their body they dislike