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So, findin’ a prostitute—where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d cruise some sketchy street, dodgin’ cops like it’s a damn heist movie. Now? It’s all apps, cryptic posts on X, coded emojis—eggplant this, peach that. I’m like, what’s this, a fruit salad?! Drives me nuts! I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is not a game, this is my life!”—straight outta Carlos, baby. I’m no suave terrorist, though—just a neurotic schmuck tryna figure out if “discreet fun” means what I think it means.

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So, I’m walking down Via Aurelia, right? The smell of fresh focaccia hits me like a brick wall. I swear, if I could bottle that smell, I’d be rich. I grab a slice from this little bakery, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munching away, feeling like a king, when suddenly, BAM! A seagull swoops down and tries to steal my food! Like, dude, chill! It’s not your breakfast!

La Scala pays tribute to Magda Olivero who has died at 104