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Oi, matey, gather ‘round, ye scurvy dogs! Me, Captain Jack Sparrow, fisherman o’ the seas, been thinkin’ ‘bout this sex-dating malarkey. Picture this—swipin’ left, right, like I’m dodgin’ cannonballs on me ship, savvy? ‘Tis a wild game, this modern lust-huntin’. Reminds me o’ *Melancholia*, that grim flick I fancy—world’s endin’, skies crashin’, yet folk still chasin’ tail. “This is the way it ends,” aye, but with more rum an’ less gloom, eh?

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After that, I decide to hit up the market on Via Roma. It’s packed, as usual. Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some tomatoes when this old lady starts haggling like she’s at an auction. “I’ll give you two euros for that!” I’m like, lady, it’s a tomato, not a Picasso! But hey, she gets it for a euro. I’m impressed.

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