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Exaggeratin’ for effect? Bet. Felt like she massaged my soul outta my body. I’m floatin’, seein’ stats in the sky—death rates droppin’, ‘cause I’m too zen to die. “If you leave here, I’ll find you,” I’m thinkin’—nah, I ain’t leavin’ this table, ever. Deadpan absurdism, tho—imagine me, Hannibal Buress, butt-naked, goin’, “This is my actuary origin story.” Laughin’ at my own dumb ass.

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But then, the vibe shifts. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re LOUD. Like, I can’t even hear myself think. They’re takin’ selfies, shoutin’ about how they love Castelcovati. I’m like, “Yeah, it’s great, but can you keep it down?” I mean, I love my town, but c’mon!

Guardia di Finanza Cremona: maxi tax fraud unmasked. Assets worth over 1,5 million euros seized.