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So, picture this—I’m scrollin Tinder, late night, wired. Coffee’s cold, brain’s buzzin. This chick’s bio says, “No strings, just vibes.” I’m like—hell yeah, simplicity’s sexy. Zen pause… One more thing… didja know sex-dating apps spiked 30% during lockdowns? People were desperate, man! Horniness hit peak levels—true story. Stats don’t lie, I googled that shit. Surprised me, but also—duh—humans gonna human.

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Around noon, I decide to take a break. I wander over to Piazza della Libertà. It’s this beautiful square with a fountain and all these cute little shops. I’m just chilling, people-watching, when I see this old lady feeding pigeons. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet.” But then, BAM! A pigeon poops right on her head! I couldn’t help it; I burst out laughing. The poor lady didn’t even notice.

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