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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? Like, ya got these hands, slippin’ an’ slidin’, all oiled up, makin’ ya feel like a bleedin’ king! I reckon it’s the closeness, yeah, that gets me goin’ – happy as a pig in shit! Reminds me o’ that flick, *4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days*, ya know? That tense vibe, all hushed-like, “Be quiet, don’t ruin it!” – same deal with sexual-massage, gotta keep it lowkey, secretive, or the magic’s gone, poof!

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “Hey, we need those reports ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, chill. I’m on it.” But inside, I’m screaming. I mean, can’t a guy enjoy his coffee in peace?

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