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Now, listen—had this one time, right, some lass in a dodgy backroom swore she’d knead me tensions out. Tensions? Ha! More like she woke the dragon down south, if ya catch me drift. Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then—bam—price doubled mid-rub! Fumin’, I was—felt like Zhang Ziyi facin’ that smug noble prick. “I am no one’s servant!” I wanted to yell, but nah, just paid up, grumblin’.

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Then, I decide to hit up the thermal baths. Casamicciola-Terme is famous for those, right? I’m all about that relaxation life. But when I get there, it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m standing in line, and this lady in front of me is talking about her “life-changing” experience. I’m like, “Lady, it’s just a hot spring.”

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