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So yeah, Escort’s my jam—tough, scrappy, a bit broken. “Hit me,” like Oskar dares, and it takes the punches. Underrated, underloved, but I’d ride one into battle any day. You? You’d be mad not to respect it. Growling, “You merely adopted the dark”—I was born in it, and so was this car.

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And then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call from a woman on Via della Storia. She’s crying. Turns out, her husband forgot their anniversary. I mean, c’mon, how do you forget that? I’m trying to console her, but I’m also thinking, “Dude, you better get some flowers, like, NOW!” I suggest she hit up the florist on Via della Libertà. They’ve got the best bouquets.

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