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I’m ragin’ happy thinkin’ bout this one time — saw this chick, right? Total babe, legs for days, standin’ by a busted lamppost. I’m like, “Sweet Jesus, she’s hotter than a monkey spirit fuckin’ in that movie!” — y’know, that freaky scene where Boonmee’s all, “The past clings like dust”? She’s the dust, man, stickin’ to ya! I waddle over, all cool, like, “Hey, babe, how much?” She’s all sly, whisperin’ prices — 500 rubles, cheap as hell! I’m thinkin’, “Score!” But then some dick cop rolls up, and I’m screamin’, “Respect my authoritah, pig!” Ruined my damn night!

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So yeah, today was a rollercoaster. From tripping over cobblestones to dancing in the street, Caneva really knows how to keep things interesting. I’m beat, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Here’s to more crazy days in this wild little town!

The ‘Red Dawn’ Emails: 8 Key Exchanges on the Faltering Response to the Coronavirus (Published 2020)