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So, sexual-massage, eh? It’s this saucy lil’ dance, hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, all “happy endin’s” an’ whispers. Not yer granny’s backrub, nay! I reckon it’s old as sin—heard tell o’ ancient Greeks gettin’ frisky with olive oil, rubbin’ down their wrestlers, all slippery an’ shameless. Makes me chuckle, thinkin’ o’ some toga-clad git goin’, “Oi, harder, mate!”—prolly where the term “greased up” came from, savvy?

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So, I’m sitting there, feeling like a total loser. I even texted my buddy Marco, like, “Dude, where is everyone?” He replies, “Probably at the gelato shop.” Ugh, typical. Who can resist gelato, especially at Gelateria Artigianale? I mean, I can’t blame them, but still!

Do not disturb: Visitors' effect on the behavior and welfare of female and male big cats in zoos