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Here’s the kicker—sometimes it’s dodgy, yeah? Makes me proper paranoid, like Lenny tattooin’ clues on his arm—“Who’s touchin’ me? Is this legit?” Cos some parlours, mate, they’re fronts for naughty business. Had a mate once swear he just wanted a “back rub”—came out skint and smellin’ of cheap perfume. Poor sod. Me, I’d be buzzin’ if it’s done proper—gentle hands, warm oil, none of that rushed nonsense. Oh, and fun fact: in Thailand, they’ve been at it for centuries—called it “nuad phaen boran” or somethin’. Traditional, like, but with a saucy twist!

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Then I stroll down to the beach. The waves at Spiaggia di Bosa are insane! I mean, they’re crashing like they’re auditioning for a movie. I’m just vibing, soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! Like, what even? I’m standing there, mouth agape, while this bird flies off with my lunch. I’m like, “Hey! That was my focaccia!” But the seagull? Totally unbothered.

Bills signing pass rusher Joey Bosa to one-year, $12.6 million deal