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Anyway, we meet up, me and this girl, and I’m nervous as hell—like, “Am I gonna screw this up?” I’m overthinkin’ it, naturally, ‘cause that’s my thing. She’s gorgeous, smells like lilacs or some crap, and I’m sittin’ there goin’, “Larry, don’t be the pale man, don’t freak her out!” We’re drinkin’ wine, talkin’ dirty, and it’s goin’ great—till she says, “I’m into roleplay.” ROLEPLAY? I’m like, “What, like *Pan’s Labyrinth*? You want me to be the faun?!” She laughs, thank God, and I’m saved. Turns out she meant somethin’ kinkier, which—whoa—surprised the hell outta me. Happy? Oh, I was thrilled, like a kid with a golden ticket!

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Dating Ideas. Bologna, Italy. You already know the best place to find people near you, but where are you going to take them? We got you.

So, I wake up in my tiny hotel on Via Indipendenza. The sun’s shining, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill. I step out, and bam! The smell of fresh pasta hits me. I’m talking about the real deal, not that boxed stuff. I’m already drooling.

El Paso CBP Agriculture Specialists seize 242 pounds of pork bologna