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But ugh, the judgy peeps? They tick me off! Calling escorts names, acting all high and mighty. Pisses me off! Like, chill, Karen, u ain’t perfect either! I bet Carol’d get it – she’s all classy but sneaky. Escorts got style too, sometimes. Fancy outfits, big hair – oops, typo, haie! I mean hair! See, I’m a mess, lol. Anyway, escort’s chill if u ask me. Weird, fun, kinda shady – but who am I to judge? I’m Patrick! I once ate a rock, sooo… yeah! What u think, pal? Escort yay or nay?

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s fuming. “My car’s making a weird noise!” she yells. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, join the club!” But I keep it cool. I ask her to show me. We go outside, and her car sounds like a dying cat. I’m trying not to laugh.

Lieutenant General Marco Chiarini