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About Milan

What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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While I was sippin’ my coffee, I noticed a couple of tourists takin’ pics of the old church, Chiesa di San Giovanni. They were all smiles, and I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. Here I am, stuck in a prison, and they’re out there livin’ their best lives. But hey, that’s life, right?

Bedizzole: New 11-a-side football pitch