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But yo, it pisses me off too. These schmucks out here lyin’—sayin’ they’re six-foot when they’re barely five. Or the dames with filters so thick, you meet ‘em and it’s like, “Who dis?” I’m over here yellin’, “Be yourself, bitches!”—straight outta Spring Breakers, ya feel me? Honesty’s dead, and I’m freakin’ tired of it. One time, I heard this guy braggin’—met a girl, smashed, then found out she’s bangin’ half the block. Sex-dating’s a gamble, fam—roll the dice, hope ya don’t catch somethin’.

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Then, I remember. The park! There’s this little park near the church, Parrocchia San Bartolomeo. I sprint over there, and there she is! Chilling with some kids, eating their snacks. I’m like, “Baa-bara! You can’t just hang out here!” The kids are laughing, and I’m trying to be serious, but it’s hard when your sheep is a celebrity.

Talking to Teens and Tweens About Coronavirus (Published 2020)