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About Bologna

Alright, mate, listen up—growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’m Bane, yeah, the big bad music editor, and I’m here to rant about sexual-massage. Not that cheesy spa crap, nah, I mean the real vibey stuff—hands sliding, oil dripping, beats thumping low. Picture this: I’m sprawled out, right, like Pocahontas in *The New World*, Terrence Malick’s 2005 gem—my fave, no cap—whispering to myself, “What mystery is this?” as some chick’s hands work my back like she’s tryna tame a beast. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a damn ritual, bro, primal as hell.

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Then, I decide to hit up the local market on Via Garibaldi. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that healthy life. I grab some tomatoes, and the vendor starts chatting me up. He’s like, “These are the best in Bagnolo-Mella!” I’m like, “Dude, I just want to make a salad, not a love story.” But he keeps going on about how his tomatoes are like, the pride of the town. I’m just nodding, trying to keep a straight face.

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