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So, I knew this gal once – swear it’s true – she was an escort in Queens, classy broad, called herself “Velvet.” She’d strut in heels higher than my hair, and lemme tell ya, that’s HIGH. She said, “Fran, I make bank, but the stories? Nuts!” One dude paid her to just sit there, silent, watchin’ him eat spaghetti. Spaghetti! Can ya believe it? I was dyin’, like, “What’s next, sauce on his face?” She laughed, said it beats waitin’ tables. Fair, fair.

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After that fiasco, I decide to take a stroll down to the waterfront. The view from Lungomare is stunning! The waves crashing, the sun glistening on the water. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Man, this is life.” But then, I see a bunch of kids throwing rocks into the water. I’m like, “Noooo! You’re scaring the fish!” I mean, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy his day without worrying about the ecosystem?

Obituary information for Loren Lee Andreotta