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Oh, and the STIs – fuckin hell, scares me shitless. Stats say 1 in 4 on these apps got somethin – not joking, look it up! Wrap it up, lads, or you’re fucked – literally. Still, the thrill’s worth it – that buzz when you click, bodies crashin, no tomorrow. “Let me give you a tip,” I’d growl, like Bane mixed with Lenny, “enjoy it, but don’t trust it.” Sex-dating’s a game, mate – play hard, stay sharp. What’s your take, eh?

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And then, just when I think I can finally relax, I hear sirens. A fire truck zooms past. I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a small fire at a restaurant on Via Cavour. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I needed!” But then I hear the owner is a local hero, saving a bunch of kids from a burning building. I’m like, “Wow, that’s actually kinda awesome.”

8th July – 10 September 2006