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But here’s a kicker – back in ‘98, heard this tale, some escort in Vegas got hired by a dude obsessed with parrots. Swear to God, she had to squawk like one while he jerked it. Fucked up, right? Made me mad too – leave the birds outta this, man! Little known fact: escorts got code words. “Roses” for cash, “girlfriend experience” for cuddly shit. Sneaky, sneaky. Keeps the cops off their ass.

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So, I’m wandering around, and I hit up Piazza Garibaldi. There was this street performer playing the accordion. He was good! Like, really good. I was vibing, and then this kid runs by, totally knocks over my gelato. I was like, “Noooo!” My chocolate hazelnut splattered everywhere. I was mad, but then I saw the kid’s face. He looked so guilty. I couldn’t stay mad.

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