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About Milan

I tried it once—swear, true story! This chick on Tinder, profile screamin’ “fun vibes only,” but her bio? “No hookups, just soulmates.” What the hell, right? Mixed signals got me mad—pick a lane, lady! Reminds me of Cronenberg’s line, “You’re tryin’ to hide somethin’!”—damn straight, she was! Turns out, she ghosted me after I said I dig old movies. Pfft, her loss—I’m a catch, ya hear?

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I hit up this gelato place on Via Torino. Best gelato ever! I got pistachio and stracciatella. I mean, who doesn’t love ice cream, right? I’m sittin’ there, enjoying my treat, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just like, “Dude, you’re in paradise! Chill out!” But nope, they’re too busy bickering about who left the cap off the toothpaste. Like, really?

Villa Della Pergola