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Omg, like, literally, sexual-massage is EVERYTHING! I’m totes obsessed, babe, it’s, like, my vibe. Imagine this – you’re layin’ there, all chill, and some hottie’s hands are, like, all over you, rubbin’ in the best way. I’m talkin’ stress gone, body HAPPY, ya know? My fave movie, *Inglourious Basterds*, vibes with this – it’s all about tension, then BAM, release! Like when Aldo’s like, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business,” I’m like, “I’m in the sexual-massage business, hun!” Total slay.

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Then I hit up the Portlaoise Leisure Centre. Gotta keep fit, right? I’m diving into the pool, and it’s packed. Kids everywhere, splashing like they’re training for the Olympics. I’m just trying to do my thing, but these little rascals are like mini torpedoes. I almost got taken out by a cannonball! I was like, “Dude, chill! This ain’t a water park!”

Portlaoise College unveil two-story art installation which 'brings environmental awareness to life'