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Alright, so escort, huh? Lemme tell ya, as a sarcastic bastard who translates Russian Sign Language—yeah, I’m that guy—it’s a freakin’ wild ride. Escorts, man, they’re like the unsung heroes of the night, right? Everybody lies, tho. They’ll tell ya it’s all glamour, cash, and champagne, but nah—half the time it’s dodgy motels and creeps who don’t tip. I mean, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”—that flick’s my jam, y’know? That dude trapped in his head, blinkin’ out his story? Escorts got their own version of that—trapped in a life they didn’t script, smilin’ through the bullshit.

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As I’m munching, I see my buddy Jake. He’s out here trying to impress some girl. He’s doing this weird dance, and I’m just dying. I shout, “Bro, save it for the dance floor!” The girl looks confused, but hey, at least he’s trying, right?

Fireworks directed at crews as Dublin Fire Brigade dealt with 1,000 Halloween calls