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So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just “ooh, sexy time.” Nah, it’s ancient, like Tantra shit, thousands of years old! Monks used it—crazy, right? To “awaken the spirit,” they said. I’m like, “Hell yeah, awaken ME!” Little known fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands”—bathhouses with a twist, sexual-massage central! Been around since forever, but hush-hush. Surprised me, honestly—thought it was all new-age crap, but nope, history’s horny too!

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So, I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to focus, but the café’s packed. People chattin’, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my head in the game. Then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his coffee all over the table next to me. I mean, c’mon! It’s like a scene from a bad sitcom. The poor lady at the table freaks out, and I’m just sittin’ there, laughin’ my ass off.

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