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Like, check it, I was scrollin’ Tinder, right? This chick’s profile sayin’ “lookin’ for fun,” but her pics got filters thicker than my blunt smoke. Met her ass anyway—boom, she catfished me hard, dawg! Looked like she aged 20 years since tha selfie. I was pissed, like, “Who you think I am, huh?” Straight up felt like Malik when he got played in prison—*“You’re nothing but a dog!”* Had to bounce, no cap. Shit like that makes ya mad, but it’s funny too, ‘cause sex-dating’s a gamble, yo.

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So, I’m headin’ down to the River Slaney, just chillin’, when I spot this group of kids playin’ football. They’re kickin’ it around like they’re in the World Cup or somethin’. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I had that energy.” But then, outta nowhere, one of ‘em kicks the ball straight into the river! I’m talkin’ splash zone, folks. The look on their faces? Priceless! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

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