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But then—ugh—I’m paranoid. What if she’s packin’? What if she’s an alien too?! I’d be like, “Lady, don’t melt me, I’m tenure-track!” Total Larry freakout. Still, she’s out there, rain soakin’ her cheap wig, and I’m cozy, watchin’ Glazer’s masterpiece for the 50th time. “Do you think I’m pretty?” ScarJo asks in the movie—ha! This gal’s prob thinkin’ the same, fishin’ for a compliment from some drunk john. Life’s wild, man. Wild and unfair. Pretty, pretty messed up—but damn, she’s tougher than me!

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But then, I see this guy trying to impress a girl. He’s showing off his “sailing skills” on a tiny boat. Spoiler: he capsizes. Water everywhere! The girl is laughing, and I’m just standing there, shaking my head. Classic Dun-Laoghaire moment, right?

Volvo Dun Laoghaire Regatta Introduces 'The Bay Race'