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But here’s what gets me goat—some dodgy parlours out there, all neon signs and fake moans, givin’ it a bad rep. Pisses me off, cos a real sexual-massage? Art, mate. Pure art. Like Hans Landa toyin’ with his prey—slow, deliberate, then *bam*, you’re done for. Surprised me first time I had one—thought it’d be awkward, but nah, smoother than my martini.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the park, Parco della Libertà. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Trees, benches, the whole shebang. I’m just vibin’, listening to some tunes, when I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s cute.” But then, outta nowhere, the kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a kite!” But I felt for him, ya know? I mean, I’ve had my fair share of kite disasters. So, I helped him out. Climbing trees is not my forte, but I got it down. The kid was stoked, and I felt like a hero for a hot sec.