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But honest, it’s a bloody minefield. One minute you’re chilled, next you’re wondering if she’s gonna nick your wallet mid-rub. I’m yelling in me head, “Oi, focus, you muppet!” Love it, hate it – gets the heart racing. Better than a crap rom-com any day. So, yeah, sexual-massage: bit of a laugh, bit of a risk. Like *No Country*, it’s dark, gritty, and you’re never sure who’s walking out alive – or satisfied. Right, I’m off for a pint!

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I walk in, and Sean’s at the bar, waving me over. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. Turns out, he just won a pub quiz! And the prize? A free round of drinks! I’m like, “Dude, you’re my hero!” We celebrate, of course.

Valuable shipwreck in sand bank off South Wexford coast